Have we become a nation of habitual texters, or is this modern method far too transitory to ever be seriously considered as a worthwhile and enduring method of communication?

Let us examine firstly the problem with SMS translation or “text speak” as it commonly known.

To illustrate the point, consider the following circumstances; would an entire army of British have risen up and fought voraciously to the death for their beloved empire when Sir Winston Churchill uttered “Victory at all costs - Victory in spite of all terrors - Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival.”, as part of his famous Blood, Sweat and Tears speech in 1940? Or instead, should the character-limited SMS medium of communication have been available, would thousands of soldiers similarly have fought heroically to the death, dimly-lit Nokias or Samsungs clutched tightly to their mud-stained uniforms with this somewhat incomprehensible message in their inbox being their only driving force.. “4 w/o victrY ther iz n survivL”...

Secondly, there's the problem of ambiguity.

Consider the phrase “you’re dead!” received as a text.

How many ways can this be interpreted? Is the person jovial?, to what ends have they been involved in your ongoing exchange? Are they now looking forward to grinning, punching you on the arm and buying you a beer after work, or are they, in fact, currently standing in a deserted car park in Fyshwick speaking to a heavyset man named Tony regarding the purchase of a semi-automatic weapon. Were you the recipient of the above text, you may never know until it’s too late.

This, however amusing it may seem, is ambiguity at its most unpleasant, and an ongoing consequence of SMS.

In conclusion, the inescapable fact remains that civilised, lucid conversation is as vital to our everyday communication with others as the actual information we pass on. Though spoken conversations tend to be somewhat less formal than traditional written correspondences such as letters, these conventions of politeness and formality remain necessary in today’s civilised society.

5.Rest assured, the crew member that pushed for this cover shot is the same one that masturbated into the lycra unitard left behind by the drummer in the trailer after the show.
If history teaches us anything, it's that he probably went on to kill him and use his beard as a merkin on weekends.




4.Sure, Joyce might look like someone that would enjoy crashing funerals, is a wizz with a bedazzler and has a porcelain doll collection to rival Waylon Smithers, but honestly, you know in your heart of hearts that she'd deepthroat like a fucking champ.




3."Hey kids, it's your old friend, Mr. Bat! Who wants to sing a song into my special pink microphone?"

Currently still listed in the Yellow Pages under 'F' for 'Fucking Scary Paedophile Clowns, or 'S' for 'Show Me On The Dolly Where He Touched You'.




2.Okay, so we'll assume 'Mongo' at the back there may have been hit with something heavy as a child (possibly a goods train), which resulted in his unfortunate ocular defect and probably suggests that that even on a good day he's confused by the 4 reflections he sees staring back at him from in the mirror.
However, this doesn't explain what the fuck the rest of the cast of 'Toupee Troop' were thinking, with the worst offender being the gentleman at the front left who appears to have bought The Toupee That Elvis Died In, and intends to wear it until the same fate befalls him.
We can only hope.




1.Seriously, what on earth would possess you to put an image of a hairy, disgusting, unkempt, filthy animal on the front cover of your album?

Still, the pig was a good idea though.